1964

Born Burnley (Lancashire, England, UK) 13th June

1969-75

Attended primary school in Burnley. Showed early signs of aptitude for girly stuff

1975-80

Attended public (in American: private) school in Colwyn Bay (Wales, UK). Unremarkable career: crap at sports; fairly good at art; brilliant at falling in love with other schoolboys

1980-82

Attended college (in American: high school) in Nelson (Lancashire, UK). Unremarkable career. 'Came out' in 1981. First 'serious' relationship [it felt serious] in 1982

1982-83

Attended art college in Burnley. Learnt virtually nothing: too busy dressing up, getting drunk, etc.

1983-87

Attended polytechnic (in American: down-market university) in Leeds (Yorkshire, England, UK). Learnt the true meaning of loneliness, and foreign languages. Spent 1985-86 in continental Europe, drinking

1987-92

Wilderness years, unhappy

1992-97

More wilderness years, only this time living in France, sometimes happy

1997-2003

Yet more wilderness years, but back in England, generally acutely unhappy

2003-

An end to the wilderness, mostly. Turned 40 in 2004. Started losing my teeth, and painting as if painting were about to go out of fashion

God, ewie, that was dull >>>